Welcome to The Lantern Project
Help and support for victims of sexual abuse
YOU ARE NOT ON YOUR OWN ANY LONGER
The Lantern Project was formed in April 2003. As of 1st August 2010, this website has been accessed 3,790,000 times. It is currently accessed on average 2,000 times every day.
The Lantern Project Survivors Forum currently has 827 registered members, and we have also supported hundreds of other victims through our counselling facility and our outreach work. Click on the 'Survivors Forum' link above to access the forum.
Sadly, we have recently been informed by the Ministry of Justice that we are no longer to be funded through the victims fund, and consequently, we are closing our counselling facility at the end of August (which was based at 8 Atherton Street, New Brighton, Wallasey, Wirral, until such time as we can secure other funding, sufficient to enable us to open another facility.
However, you can still contact us via the 'Contact Us' link at the top of this page or by e-mail: lanternproject@yahoo.co.uk, although we are no longer able to offer person to person counselling, or outreach support at the present time.
If you need to talk to someone in confidence, contact the Survivors Trust through their web site www.thesurvivorstrust.org, or contact NAPAC (the national association for people abused in childhood) through their web site: http://www.napac.org.uk/, and they will put you in touch with a support service in your area.
VIDEO: Graham's Story - A film by Rory Wilmer
VIDEO: Unstructured Therapeutic Disclosure is the recovery model we have developed.
TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF: If you were sexually abused during your childhood or later in life, or you know someone else who has suffered sexual abuse, or if you are a victim of domestic violence, racial abuse or bullying, you will find the information on this site helpful.
The links on the left contain a summary of key facts and figures about abuse, together with helpful information on how to cope with the impact and problems it causes. There is also more detailed information located in the 'Archived' section, which you can access by clicking on the 'Survivors Forum' link at the top of this page.
You can also leave a message in the Survivors Forum, or ask questions and seek help from other survivors. If you want to do this, complete the registration procedure, which is very simple. You don't need to use your real name to do this, so your contact details are completely safe.
Before you begin to read the information on this web site, however, you need to prepare yourself for the possibility that you may find some of it very painful. The best way to prepare yourself is to ask someone you trust to sit with you while you look at the material. If you can't do that, for whatever reason, the next best thing is to think of something that makes you feel safe or happy or both, such as a pet or a loved one. This image will be your ‘rescue image'. Then, as you work your way through the site, if anything you read triggers painful memories or makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, stop - look away from the screen - close your eyes and think hard about your rescue image. In a few moments, you will feel safe again. Then take a rest from the site for a while and come back to it later. It will still be here!
WHY I SET UP THIS WEB SITE: My name is Graham Wilmer. I was born in Bedford, England in 1951. I was sexually abused by Hugh Madley, a teacher at the Salesian College in Chertsey, Surrey, an independent Catholic grammar school for boys, run by the Salesians of Don Bosco.
The abuse began in 1966 when I was just 13, and went on for nearly two years until I finally told the school authorities what was happening to me. Instead of helping me, the head of the Salesians in Britain at the time, Fr George Williams, interviewed me and swore me to silence. He then moved Madley to the Salesian College in Battersea, London, to protect him and the school's name.
I was left to fend for myself without any support from the school. Neither my parents nor the police were told. The sexual and emotional abuse I suffered, coupled with the school's failure to protect me when I sought their help, resulted in the collapse of my education and the onset of serious psychological problems, which fundamentally damaged my development as an individual, leading me into a spiral of decline that manifested itself in a range of harmful behaviours including sex addiction, alcohol and drug abuse and self-harm.
I left school without any qualifications, despite having been an above average student in the years before the abuse began, and found it difficult to settle in any job for very long, always running away when things challenged me. It was also hard to form lasting relationships, emotion being something I found impossible to share. I tried to pretend that it had never happened by burying the memories deep in my mind, and for the next 30 or so years, I stumbled on through life, but the legacy of guilt, confusion and anger was never far from the surface.
Then, about twelve years ago (1995), the hidden memories began to re-emerge. A trickle at first, then more, and more, each time becoming sharper in focus and more detailed. They pervaded my mind during every moment of every day, and haunted my dreams at night.
Eventually, at the beginning of 1997, I broke down, unable to cope with the force of these awful images, which totally overwhelmed me and took me to the brink of self-destruction. I was lucky though, I had someone who stood by me. She looked after me while I tried to find the support and counselling that I needed, and I survived.
But finding that help was not easy as there was no central place to go to get advice, let alone help. So, to help other victims of abuse find the help they need more easily, I set up the Lantern Project and this web site.
I have also written two books about what happened to me, and how I learnt to cope. The first, which is called Survivor - The long journey back from abuse, was published under my pen name, Peter Andrews, on 1st September 2004 by Inspire. My second book, which is called Conspiracy of Faith, is written under my own name and tells the story of how I tracked down my abuser and brought him before the courts. It was published on 22nd February, 2007 by Lutterworth Press.
The road to recovery from sexual abuse is a long and sometimes difficult journey, but it's not a race. You can only go at your own speed. What you must have to begin with is a map that tells you something about what you can expect to experience on the way, and how to deal with those experiences when they happen. The survival guide I have written 'Picking up the pieces' is that map, and much of what is contained in the guide is also contained here on this web site, which also answers most of the questions victims need to ask. I hope and pray you will find some comfort and support here. Be brave; you are not alone and you can survive.